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Archive for the category “Covid Diary”

Keema calm and carry on

I’m celebrating my love of the food columns and supplements in The Guardian by trying to cook at least one recipe from each issue of Guardian Feast in 2021. Find out a bit more about that here.

After such a long period of breath-holding it’s almost too scary to believe that we may be at a turning point with coronavirus. It’s times like these when a good dose of comfort food steadies the nerves and warms the heart – and distracts from something we almost daren’t believe in. Lovely, reliable food.

We’ve found that some issues of Feast don’t inspire us to rush immediately to the kitchen (although there’s always something to be tackled, of course). However, other issues have us racing to the hob before Saturday coffee – and offer such rich pickings that we plunder them again and again. So, for lashings of calming comfort, we returned to Issue No.162 and Felicity Cloake’s perfect keema – which had already gifted us Tamal Ray’s chai-spiced mousse with caramel pecans and several other recipes including Rachel Roddy’s magnificent pork, bread and bay skewers.

A sneak preview of the Husband’s take on Rachel Roddy’s fantabulous pork, bread and bay skewers – also from Feast Issue No.162

I’m still one foot down so The Husband and eldest daughter remain firmly in the cooking seat. The Husband has been creating all sorts of deliciousness – including the skewers pictured above – but is determined to guest blog about his endeavours. Last night it was the eldest daughter who stepped up to Felicity’s perfect keema challenge. She allowed me to meddle lightly in the prep of chilli, ginger and garlic before ushering me back to my foot-up observation point.

We agree with Felicity’s keema preference of lamb over beef – and fattier over lean – for this spicy, fragrant feel-good lip-smacker. Eldest daughter would have liked to add lamb bone marrow for an even richer vibe but none was available – next time. Total cooking and prep time about an hour.

The only hiccup was the realisation that we were low on fresh coriander. Oh, and that mint sauce was our only source of mint. Hey ho, in went the fresh coriander bolstered with frozen and The Husband persuaded eldest daughter to tip in a tablespoon of mint sauce. Perfect keema? Yeah baby! One of the fabulous things about this recipe is the pop of intense flavour delivered by those whole cardamom, coriander and cumin seeds. The final masterstroke was serving the keema with coconut rice (shavings from a block of creamed coconut cooked in with the rice) infused with cinnamon. The daughter had made enough keema and rice for five peckish people. We three wolfed down the lot.

Here’s to lockdown ending and staying ended – and taking comfort in comfort food for the sheer and simple joy of it.

Original recipe:

Felicity Cloake – the perfect keema

Felicity Cloake's perfect keema created by my eldest daughter
Comfort on a plate: the spicy pop of perfect keema served with coconut and cinnamon rice in my Berwick kitchen

Lockdown blessings? Yes, darn it!

I have loved some things about lockdowns – although like everyone else, I ache when I think about the human cost of the pandemic. I feel a bit lost and a bit demotivated and a bit sad and a bit – but ENOUGH OF THAT. Counting your blessings doesn’t solve all the downsides of anything but – just like a brisk walk – it can offer a moment of escape, uplift and re-grounding in things that matter and offer bite-sized chunks of positivity and/or pride.

Spittal Beach, Berwick-upon-Tweed: a moment of escape, uplift and re-grounding

I have in a past life liked to think of myself as someone who would rather buy a new shirt than sew on a button

Technology has been a huge blessing during these times of little or no contact with those we love and those we work with. I’ve gone from hating Zoom to embracing its idiosyncrasies and awkwardnesses – from that little moment when people are signing in and haven’t quite got their facial expressions sorted, through the tricky lulls in conversation and the over-speaking, to the bamboozling protocols around backdrops, right on to the frayed leaving the meeting as the ‘byes’ dribble on.

My friend Millie runs Berwick’s food upcycling café Northern Soul Kitchen and asked me way back in April 2020 (before lockdown 3 was even a twinkle in the eye of Mr Johnson and his buddies) if I’d think about making a video using leftover food as part of a food waste promo. ‘Yes, of course,’ I said. Then I realised. My daughters mock the little clips I send them. Time for a bit of YouTube training.

My movie about turning leftover couscous into cheesy veggie cakes was (only in my eyes) a triumph – judge for yourself, it’s on the Berwick Slow Food website. I believe my second movie – re-purposing leftover chip shop chips into a Spanish-esque omelette is even finer. My crowning glory of film creation is about Sri Lankan meal in a book: We don’t write recipes down – another lockdown project raising funds for Sri Lankan charity The Jasmine Foundation. You can see that video here. For me, upskilling and experimenting with apps and media that I probably wouldn’t have attempted pre-lockdown has not just been fun, it’s been a great confidence booster.

Snapshots of charitable project Sri Lankan meal in a book: We don’t write recipes down

Limiting visits to shops and supermarkets and trying to be more sustainable has turned our minds ever more to using every scrap of food (see couscous cakes above!) and making do and mending in ways not thought of or avoided like the, ahem, plague pre-pandemic. I have in a past life liked to think of myself as someone who would rather buy a new shirt than sew on a button.

The most poignant thing I’ve recently tried is darning woollen socks and jumpers. I say poignant because I remember vividly my mum taking her battered blue sewing bag from the dark oak dresser and settling to sew and darn at the kitchen table. She did this on what felt like a daily basis. I also remember despising Mum a little for undertaking something so menial and ‘womanly’. Oh, the ignorance of youth. Sorry Mum.

It’s strange to have waited all these years to darn – especially since every home I’ve ever lived in has been haunted by invisible moths quietly unravelling anything woollen. There’s something deeply therapeutic about restoring gorgeous woollen garments and getting more life and love from them – and thinking of my dear old Ma while I do it.

It feels as if coronavirus has snatched away our ability to plan and to be spontaneous. Focusing on small, accessible, doable things is somehow reassuring. And taking a moment to acknowledge and think about the things we have done during this last year that maybe we wouldn’t have done without lockdown gives some sort of rhythm and reason to these strange months. Yes, how I long for an impromptu cuppa with a friend, to go to my niece’s wedding, to hug loved ones (even strangers!), to go to parties and dance till the sweat runs, to sing loudly in church, to buy a pint in a pub, to visit people who miss me and who I miss… soon, soon, soon.

My first ever attempt at darning – I’m getting better at it!

Good News! Berwick’s Drive-in Christmas

You’ll be able to enjoy all the joy of Christmas – including singing carols – when the final Berwick Advent Window is opened on Christmas Eve at 6pm at The Parade, Berwick-upon-Tweed.

Northumberland County Council has given the greenlight for a drive-in celebration of Christmas as part of Berwick’s Advent Window Trail. The pre-ticketed free event (order tickets by emailing berwickcribservice@gmail.com) will take place in the town’s Parade Car Park – between the Parish Church and the Church of Scotland at 6pm on Thursday 24th December.

As well as the opening of the final Advent window, families will be able to join a crib-style service of the Christmas story and carols from the safety and comfort of their cars. The fun service is a joint production from many local churches and will present all the warmth, love and hope of the traditional Christmas story of the birth of Jesus – including angels, shepherds, wise men – streamed on a large screen erected in The Parade car park. And because they’ll be in their own cars, those who attend will be able to do something that churchgoers have missed out on for most of this year: sing together.

Those who cannot attend by car can enjoy the experience of the service and the opening of the final window from their homes (visit the Parish Church website and the Parish Church’s YouTube channel) – and the window will be in situ until the New Year along with the rest of the Advent Window Trail round the town.

If you wish to attend the drive-in event, don’t forget to pre-book your ticket by emailing berwickcribservice@gmail.com

Further information available from:

Rev’d Tom Sample: 01289 298521 or Rev’d Tracey Usher on: 01289 783083

Check out the full Advent Window Trail here

Wishing you a very happy Christmas!

A modern take on Once in Royal David’s City at 1 Castlegate

Advent Trail Lights Up Berwick’s Windows

This year windows around Berwick are lighting up with the timeless themes of Christmas: love, joy, fun, thankfulness and celebration.

Christmas 2020 is set to be different and probably quite challenging for many. The creation of Berwick’s very own real-time Advent calendar in windows around the town offers residents and visitors the opportunity to mark the days to Christmas in an entertaining and safe way.

Twenty-three shops, businesses, private houses – and even the Police Station – will host an Advent window. Each window will be ‘opened’ during December – one a day from Tuesday 1st December through to Wednesday 23rd. And there will be a touch of extra drama on Christmas Eve when the final window is opened.

Schools, churches, businesses, community groups and property owners will all be involved in the decoration and creation of the windows. The themes for the windows are inspired by Christmas songs and carols. Each window will have a visual link to Berwick in the design.

‘Away in a Manger’ by Holy Trinity School in the window of Foxton’s Wine Bar on Hide Hill

Window dressers have agreed to keep their displays in situ until the New Year – so there will be plenty of time to enjoy the full Advent Trail.

Children’s Competition

As well as enjoying the fun and spectacle of the windows, children can enter a competition to spot the Berwick link in each window. There’ll be prizes for winners in the age groups 3 to 7 years and 8 to 12 years. You can pick up an entry form from many of the participating retailers around town.

‘Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer’ by Tweedmouth West School in the window of Robertson’s on West Street

The Maltings’ Christmas Light Show

It’s been a tough year for the arts across the country and Berwick’s own wonderful arts centre The Maltings is no exception. The Maltings is presenting its own Christmas light projection on the Theatre buildings as part of the Advent Trail. The Maltings is also streaming last year’s sell-out Panto ‘Aladdin’ on youtube here and ‘Christmas with the Hobs’ (details here)

The Unveiling of the Advent Windows

DateVenueThemeArtists
December 1stJennie’s Wool Studio, Bridge St.  ‘Winter Wonderland’Host
December 2ndFoxton’s Wine Bar, Hyde Hill‘Away in a Manger’Holy Trinity School
December 3rdRobertson’s, West St.  ‘Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer’Tweedmouth West School
December 4thLongbones, Walkergate       ‘God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen’Host
December 5thThistle do Nicely, Walkergate‘Mary’s Boy Child’:St Mary’s School
December 6thBerwick Community Trust, William Elder, Castlegate‘Good King Wenceslas’Methodist Church
December 7thBerwick Visitor Centre, Walkergate‘We Three Kings’Host
December 8thCastlegate Pharmacy    ‘I Saw Three Ships’Host
December 9thWoolmarket Antiques‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas’Host
December 10thGeek Hut, Guildhall Alley‘Let it Snow’Spittal First School
December 11thLime Shoe Company, Marygate   ‘Little Donkey’Host
December 12thUnder the Clock Cafe, Guildhall Alley‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas’Host
December 13th1  Castlegate‘Once in Royal David’s City’Host
December 14thPictorial Photography, Quayside ‘Ding, Dong Merrily on High’Host
December 15thGreaves West & Ayre, Walkergate  ‘Jingle Bells’Host
December 16thGemini Jewellers, Marygate  ‘It Came Upon a Midnight Clear’Host
December 17th1 Greenside AveHost
December 18thPolice Station, Church St. ‘Silent Night’Holy Trinity School
December 19thEdwin Thompson, Hyde Hill‘The Holly and the Ivy’The Camera Club
December 20thPlaytime, Marygate‘Santa Clause is coming to Town’Host
December 21stNewcastle Building Society, Hyde Hill  ‘Little Drummer Boy’Host
December 22ndSpecSavers, Marygate  ‘We wish you a Merry Christmas!’Host
December 23rdBaptist Church, Golden Square.   ‘O Little Town of Bethlehem’Host
December 24thParade Car Park‘In the Bleak Midwinter’Host

The organisers and supporters – thank yous!

The small group which has organised the project would like to say a big ‘Thank you!’ to all who have helped and supported this project: to those who have lent their windows; to those who have agreed to help decorate windows; to Stephen Scott and The Chamber of Trade; to all in the Tourist Information Centre; and to those involved in the Welcome Visitor Project. Without all this support the Advent Windows Trail would not have been possible.

Enjoy, celebrate and stay safe

It’s a meal in a book!

At the back end of 2019, I had an idea about a little book project. I was inspired by a sketchbook created by inspirational live illustrator Katie Chappell from her travels in Asia (see below). How about trying to make an illustrated book of my Sri Lankan friend Dewa’s wonderful cooking?

Dewa’s a feeder and loves to cook the food she watched her mum cook when she was a girl. But her husband’s not keen on curry or spice – so the opportunities to do what she loves to do are a little limited in our northernmost part of east England.

Dewa says: ‘You buy your chillies in little bags; in Sri Lanka we buy them in sacks!’

When the quirky Mule on Rouge café first opened, I was helping to organise events for our local Slow Food group here in Berwick-upon-Tweed. I chatted with Mule proprietors, Sion and Zoe, and agreed that Dewa would do a pop-up evening meal to celebrate national curry week in October 2018. It was the start of a beautiful and happy partnership. Dewa now pops-up regularly at the marvellous Mule, creating magnificent Sri Lankan meals which have been translated into takeaways during lockdown.

That very first pop-up at The Mule – with Dewa looking a bit nervous

But how to create something that captures Dewa’s food and Katie’s illustrations – and what might it be? Katie suggested we get together in my kitchen. Dewa to cook, Katie to draw, and me to sous chef and simultaneously jot down ingredients and quantities. Because, as Dewa tells me each time I ask for a recipe from her: ‘We don’t write recipes down.’ At the end of the agreed day in January, we ate Dewa’s wonderful food with gusto (and with the yoghurt and cucumber she prepared especially to soothe our delicate palates because, as she explained: ‘We don’t eat that in Sri Lanka.’). Dewa ladled leftovers into pots for us to share with our partners and families. Katie cycled off with her share of food nuzzling a sheaf of sketches. I deciphered the notes I’d taken.

Then lockdown intervened. Katie wrestled with a massive live illustration workload (her clients include Google, for heaven’s sake!), the launch of a fabulous new initiative with other local artists (The Good Ship Illustration), and having a life. Despite the heat of Dewa’s food and our delight in the day, the project went tepid. After a bit of toing and froing and umming and ahhing, we thought that a graphic designer might help us ‘throw the illustrations into layouts.’ And really, this lazy thought turned out to be the masterstroke of the project. Local graphic designer Daniel Cox turned our sketches, words, and ingredients into a meal in a book – picking up instinctively on the free-flowing feel of the day and the heat and joy of it too.

And there we have it. Our very first meal in a book: ‘We don’t write recipes down.’ It’s art, food and fun in one small but lovely package. All printed by local printer Martins. So, genuinely cooked-up in Berwick-upon-Tweed. The book is priced at £6.99 (plus a £1 contribution to postage for buyers outside the local Berwick-upon-Tweed area). We are donating all proceeds to Sri Lankan charity The Jasmine Foundation. The charity supports women in rural communities through education, training, sports and welfare as well as health and hygiene initiatives. Coincidentally, this wonderful charity was co-founded by Jessica Mason and her husband Sanas Sahib and Jessica grew up and went to school in and around Berwick. So a genuine 100% Berwick-upon-Tweed production.

If you’re interested in a copy, visit the ‘We don’t write recipes down’ Facebook page.

The book premiered at Dewa’s pop-up takeaway at The Mule on Rouge on Friday 14th August 2020. There are regular pop-ups at the Mule so keep an eye on their social media feeds.

I’m updating this post on 10 November 2020. It’s such a wonder to say that we’ve sold over 200 copies of our little book and donated £600 of profits and donations to our Sri Lankan charity. Just brilliant.

In Berwick on 14th August? Why not order a Sri Lankan takeaway from the Mule on Rouge and buy a copy of this mouthwatering book at the same time?

Want a job done? Write a blogpost

A propos of my recent blogpost, the Husband says: ‘I can take a hint.’ and heads out to mow the lawn. I think: ‘What needs doing next? I’ll write about it.’

We need to talk about life, death… oh, and mowing

There’s a little stand-off going on between the Husband and me. Except he may not realise it. He has a higher long-grass-on-the-lawn threshold than I do. Which means that I usually end up mowing the green stuff. Last time I hauled the mower out, he popped up with a cup of tea for me as I’d nearly finished. ‘That looks nice,’ he said. ‘You can do it next time,’ I said. Not altogether graciously. After all these years, you’d think we would have resolved the thorny issue of whose turn it is to mow the lawn. But we haven’t. It lurks in the air around us like a mysterious unmentionable secret.

Some grass just needs mowing

The daughters don’t seem to have any problems with unmentionables. I confess I didn’t know that a ‘shart’ was a shit-fart. I’ll be careful not to let the word accidentally drop into conversation – I assume one doesn’t have much control over the deed. My young women continue to alternate between hugging and biting each other, and seem to find each other endlessly fascinating. With 14 years between them, lockdown is probably the most concentrated period of time they have spent together since one was a toddler and the other was in the thick of GCSEs and A levels. It’s a bit of a gift really.

Recently the daughters were discussing the pictures we have. The youngest asked if the Husband and I had allotted them to particular people in our Wills. Turns out she’s got her eye on a couple. We all found this hilariously funny (I think drink may have been involved). When the eldest daughter pointed out that first dibs on the spoils should be hers because the youngest could enjoy them after she was gone (they’re both ignoring the existence of the older brothers – if you’re not here and all that…), the youngest’s laughter began to turn to tears: ‘I’ve just realised,’ she sobbed. ‘I’ll probably be left all alone. You – you can’t die before me…’

Siblings

Early on in lockdown, when the human tragedy of people not being able to be with their loved ones during the hardest and most emotional of times: serious illness, birth and death (except, possibly, Dominic Cummings), a little game circulated. The idea was to name the five people you’d invite to your funeral (the UK-government-imposed limit). Like ‘Snog, Marry, Avoid’, it’s quite compelling. Clearly, it’s in bad taste. However, it’s in keeping with the kind of dark humour that many of us embrace when events are frightening and uncertain and beyond our control. Let’s face it, a good dose of laughter is a bit of a tonic. Although, the coronavirus pandemic has perhaps emphasised that, as a society, we’re not really geared up to have the conversations around death and dying that might help with later heartache. Often, talking about dying is seen as tantamount to wishing someone gone, or it’s viewed as morbid rather than practical, or as taboo rather than an essential part of life. So we skirt around it and think about easier things: like, say, divvying up the goodies.

Sharing out the gold: who’ll be the lucky recipient of Shakespeare Corner?

The Husband and I walk up the garden pretty much every morning and evening – and several times between. Yet still neither of us says ‘the lawn needs mowing’ because, to do so, would be to claim the doing of it. We both love how the garden looks when the lawn is mown – so how come we can’t agree how to deal with the mowing of it between us? Maybe it’s a conversation that might throw up perceived imbalances in other parts of our relationship? Whatever: the silence on the subject continues. Although, the Husband has just read this and said in a hurt tone: ‘I will do the lawn next time.’

The four of us have recently embarked on a ‘final meal’ game. So much food we love and one meal to craft from it all. I mean, how do you actually choose? The eldest daughter is a mince fan and started off claiming mince would be part of her last supper. However, she seems to have moved on. She’s now having a seafood platter (including oysters, lobster, crab and everything else crustaceous and from the deep), followed by roast goose and all the trimmings, then all the cheeses with truffle honey, rounded off with a chocolate fondant. The Husband is determined to slip a bacon sarnie in somewhere and foie gras – we suggest a starter platter with tidbits of all those things he can’t shoehorn in elsewhere. Me? I might go for calves liver, and either a game pie (suet crust, of course) or seafood linguine – to include crab and lobster and a sauce, created from the shells left from the daughter’s seafood platter, to make a super sea-tasting bisque sauce. Like the eldest, I’d have to have all the cheeses with pickled walnuts, Normandy salted and unsalted butter, a bread basket to include sourdough oh, and some of my homemade rhubarb chutney. And for pud, I’d go for lemon syllabub with fresh-baked shortbread biscuits. The youngest daughter is happy as long as her meal involves sushi, pizza and a hot pud – possibly a chocolate brownie.

To die for? Home-made sushi

All of this we can happily talk about and explore for hours – remembering favourite restaurants and the memorable meals we’ve enjoyed that have informed our palates. And, yes, you’re right: the final meal game is another ruse to distance and diminish the whole death thing.

Shellfish platter, anyone?

When my Dad died, I was 26. My eldest daughter was just over a year old. Dad’s death felt brutal and totally unexpected to me – even though there had been warnings. I now realise, I was broken by his loss. I had not contemplated how it might feel not to have him around. Maybe, this was a gap in my emotional education. Maybe it’s just the way I responded to the death of someone I loved at that stage in my life. Probably some of both. Certainly, in those days, it felt like the death of a loved one was something you just had to grin and bear as life hurtled on around you and you fell apart.

Slice of pizza to take your mind off that?

Crank forward 26 years and, finally, I began to engage with death in a positive way. I don’t want to harp on about having had cancer (if you’re interested, you’ll find more about the cancer year here), but being diagnosed with bowel cancer led to a more pragmatic engagement with life and death. The Husband and I even wrote our Wills (the children will still have to scrap over the house contents!) which, until then, had felt too complicated to do. A year later, I helped nurse my dear Mum as she died.

Three things I learnt: Firstly, nursing a loved one through dying and into death is exhausting physically and emotionally, but (for me) a privilege and pleasure. The support of a decent end-of-life and palliative care team is invaluable and should be a given (but isn’t). Second, if the loved one has spent time preparing for their death by ‘putting their affairs in order’ and talking about their funeral etc with you, it’s a real gift from them to you. Finally, our own death preoccupies us a lot – we joke about it, worry about it, and push thoughts of it away. But, in reality, our death will impact on others more than it does on us. It’s just the way it is.

Back in the garden, the lawn has had a stay of execution. The Husband (and I) had all last week to mow the darn thing. It was sunny and dry and the perfect weather. This week has begun with a wet and wild northern hoolie. So, when the rain stops, which one of us will get the mower out of the shed and slog up and down, as per? Or will we discuss the elephant in the haystack?

Perfect weather and a freshly mown lawn (by me!). But who will do it next time?

Through the lockdown mist

We’ve been wrapped in a chilly sea haar here in Berwick-upon-Tweed – atmospheric but a tad galling when most of the country has been basking in sunshine. It’s ironic that as lockdown lifts this stifling fret has closed around us, heightening the sense that anything might unexpectedly emerge to surprise us.

Surprising things appear through the mist

Sometimes, it feels as if our ministers and MPs live in a fog all the time. I was startled to hear Dominic Raab explaining on Talk Radio that, although he understands the ‘sense of frustration and restlessness which is driving the Black Lives Matters movement’, he doesn’t think much of taking a knee – other than for the Queen and his ‘Mrs’. Specifically, Foreign Secretary Mr Raab believes that the action of taking a knee derives from ‘Game of Thrones’. What? Wasn’t there a time when ministers took care to be informed about big issues that affect how we live as a society? This video featuring former San Francisco 49ers’ fullback Colin Kaepernick is a great intro into how and why taking a knee became an act of racial solidarity in sport.

Whatever the weather, walking and exercising have united our family of four during lockdown. Rain or shine we’ve been out for ‘family exercise’. However, as lockdown is lifting, we seem to have become less about going out together and more about heading off solo for, say, a coffee at Northern Edge Coffee, or ‘just popping out for a run/walk – see you later.’ It feels as if our Covid cluster is disintegrating. Which is strangely sad but, I guess, inevitable.

Nevertheless, we came together at the weekend for a socially distanced walk in the Cheviots to celebrate my birthday. Our starting point was an hour’s drive from Berwick through pretty Wooler – the gateway to the Cheviots. Once there, we were guided by two super-patient friends who listened to us bickering for most of the mist-shrouded eight miles. The views were condensed but we had abundant chews: a delicious takeaway picnic from Berwick Café Mule On Rouge

The mist-encased Cheviots, north Northumberland

Generational blindspots – from technology to slang – have been recurring sources of confusion and amusement in the household. And we’ve all been upskilling the best we can. The youngest has hooked up to Depop – an online marketplace popular with young people buying and selling secondhand clothes etc. She wants cash to support her forthcoming university career (although with no freshers’ week…). When she made a sale, it turned out that the process of packing a pair of jeans in an envelope and writing an address in the right format was slightly opaque to her. Before she headed to the post office queue, she was anxious: ‘What do I ask for? What do you mean: “Get it weighed?!”‘ As she finally left, she said: ‘That’s Generation Z for you, we can throw a punch (an online boxing ref), we can topple a statue, but we can’t post a letter!’ She can now. We all felt a little ownership of her achievement.

The views along the Carey Burn in the Cheviots weren’t bad, actually. I’m proud of the Cheviots for achieving such views.

Matt Hancock, Health & Social Care Secretary, declared himself ‘proud’ of footballer Marcus Rashford. He then called Mr Rashford ‘Daniel’ just to prove how much he’d mugged up on the guy who’d pressurised the government to make a U-turn on free vouchers for school meals. Perhaps Mr Rashford mistook the footballer for Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe? After all, the fact that Marcus Rashford spotted a clear need for the voucher scheme to continue through the summer holidays, when Mr Hancock hadn’t noticed it, smacks of a wizardly insight, doesn’t it?

The eldest daughter is working from home and is usually locked to her screen for 10 straight hours a day, often in meetings. Even so, there’s not much that passes her by. When she was little, we called her ‘Flappy’ because she picked up on every conversation we ever had – even if she wasn’t present when it happened. So, yesterday, when the youngest and I sneaked out for a walk without her, she was miffed. Yes, despite our new individual excursions, no one likes to feel left out. Later that same day, there was a discussion about preserved lemons as we ate dinner. I apologised to the youngest – she’s not keen and they lurked in the couscous. ‘I love preserved lemons!’ declared the eldest, smirking and smacking her lips. After a pause, the youngest said: ‘I had two walks with Mum today.’ ‘Two?’ whispered the eldest ‘Two walks?’ her bottom lip quivering.

The daughters: on the same page as ever

The Husband often asks how I know about things. ‘By looking in the right places,’ is my usual smug reply. And that’s how come we’ve been dining-in royally these past few Saturday nights, courtesy of JW Catering’s international menus. Yes, as well as the Cheviots, we’ve been to Italy, South Africa and Turkey.

It’s just a question of looking in the right place. Unless you can’t see through the cloud.

This is also how I know about the many local independent retail outlets reopening, working with and round the daunting new normal. It is exciting to see the high street shaking off the lockdown blues. But it’s also anxiety inducing. Sometimes, it feels as if I dreamt the whole Coronavirus pandemic. So many people are bustling about town without a social-distance care in the world. Me? I’m still feeling Covid-induced too-much-too-soon angst.

That’s how I felt about peeing outdoors when I was little. It seemed like an exciting proposition, but the reality was fraught with anxiety: would you be spotted? Would you pee on your feet/knickers/trousers? These days, peeing al fresco doesn’t worry me. And certainly not somewhere isolated like, say, the Cheviots. After all, you can see for miles to check if anyone’s heading your way, and you hardly ever see anyone anyway. Imagine my surprise at the weekend then, when looking around as I was zipping up, I spotted three people through the mist. ‘Oh! Ooops!’ I said. A voice floated back: ‘It’s alright, we didn’t see anything. We turned our backs as soon as we realised what was happening.’ It was a voice I recognised. And, as one, three friends from Berwick turned to face me.

When we got home, the Husband presented me with a can of Brewdog’s topical new hazy beer brew: Barnard Castle Eye Test. It’s a fair cop.

BLM: If not now, then when?

I’m finding it hard to write this week. In fact, this week has dribbled into next if you see what I mean. There’s so much to think about. So much to feel anxious and uptight about.

There’s a no-deal-Brexit looming with trade deals being shimmied through while we have our eyes elsewhere. Deals which will probably compromise the quality of our food (chlorinated chicken from the US and all that), and the safety and integrity of our crops (neonicotinoids that kill bees and that sort of thing). There’s the economic downturn resulting from Covid and lockdown – with many friends, family and neighbours facing an uncertain future. There’s the relaxation of lockdown – does ‘the science’ show it’s the right thing to do? Or can ‘the science’ be manipulated like ‘the data’? And, of course, there’s racism, Black Lives Matter, and the horror of George Floyd’s killing by US police (even though millions of us watched it, we can’t say ‘murder’ because it’s not been through the courts). All these things make me feel powerless and inadequate. And then I think: who am I to feel powerless?

For many of us, the killing of George Floyd will have made us look again at our own uneasy record on squaring up to racism and to our national record in the UK as a whole. There are certainly uncomfortable truths that lay behind the mask of our equal multicultural society, and the attitudes and structures that prop it up. These uncomfortable truths have occupied much of my household’s thoughts, conversations and readings these last 10 days or so. And, despite the fact that the daughters suggested I should write about it, I’ve struggled to find a way in.

One fear and challenge for me as a white English woman trying to write about racism is that I must own my past which includes racist thoughts, words and actions – and I am embarrassed and ashamed of that. I don’t like looking back at the racist me – but, if I’m to move forward, I must do it. I also need to acknowledge that I am a privileged member of an imbalanced society that has benefited from the spoils of empire and slavery – a society that still hasn’t totally dealt with its tainted inheritance or the legacy it’s left to the nations it pillaged and the peoples it abused.

It’s seriously painful and awful to still be having these conversations about casual and structural racism. But have them we must. Who, in their right mind, believes that hierarchies (or anything) should be decided by something so arbitrary as skin colour? And yet, this premise is something that is still ingrained in the way our systems work and the attitudes we (often unconsciously) carry with us. And, in our entitlement, we are constantly letting ourselves off dealing with the ramifications of a skewed equality. Only yesterday I was looking at an American research study that demonstrates implicit bias in the treatment of black children and adults by physicians (you’ll find the Abstract here).

You see this disparity even now in the reactions to the demonstrations here and in the US: it’s not the time, we say. After Covid would be a better, safer time, we say. As if Covid were not itself contributing to the polarising effect of inequalities based around skin colour and the social injustices that derive from them (take a look at this BBC video – it scratches the surface but it’s a good starting point).

So, how long should black people be patient about inequality? Ten years? One hundred? They’ve already waited some 450 years – surely a few more won’t make a difference? The subtext here is about maintaining a status quo of power: if people could all just pipe down a bit, we can get on with living through these terrible Covid times, and maybe look at the injustices associated with skin colour in calmer times. Maybe.

If you are challenged by the idea that people constantly side-stepped by rules that are purportedly designed to protect them might cease to respect or uphold those rules, I strongly recommend listening to Trevor Noah’s gentle, rational take on the situation in the States. He deftly summarises the idea of structural racism and the impact of a societal contract which only truly respects the rights and freedoms of the original architects of that contract.

I know many are horrified by the lootings during the demonstrations in the US and by the toppling of the statue of 17th-century slave trader Edward Colston in Bristol in the UK. And I’m not an advocate of civil disobedience, but I don’t feel that demonstrators’ actions are any more horrifying than a man being openly killed by the police, or a black person dying in police custody after being brutally beaten, or someone being stopped time and again by police because of the colour of their skin. In fact, I’d argue the statue toppling is less horrifying. I’m in my fifties, and during my life I have seen a system designed to protect not just slip up from time to time, but actively abuse its powers countless times. And, each time, it seems we shake our heads and say ‘this shouldn’t happen’. We investigate and have enquiries that take years, and we get on with our lives and hope everyone else will too. But there’s such a thing as a perfect storm. And Covid, lockdown and that ultimate abuse of human rights on 25th May 2020 – the taking of George Floyd’s life – might just be that perfect storm.

I don’t think that we should get lost in a sea of guilt and hand-wringing and being ashamed – although many of us will have reasons to; or that we should get carried away in accusations and recriminations and being angry – although many are justified in that. I believe that, for many of us, the demonstrations rocked the foundations of the societal safety net we trust and believe in. But the challenge for us is to acknowledge that it’s a safety net designed with holes that let black people fall through it. And then to do something about it.

History is something we write individually and as a society. That’s why Banksy’s Instagram thoughts on replacing the statue of Colston are so interesting: “Here’s an idea that caters for both those who miss the Colston statue and those who don’t. We drag him out the water, put him back on the plinth, tie cable round his neck and commission some life size bronze statues of protestors in the act of pulling him down. Everyone happy. A famous day commemorated.”

Banksy’s sketched suggestion for the empty Bristol plinth from his Instagram account

Visually and intellectually, Banksy’s suggestion encapsulates the shift that real change in the colour-bias status quo requires. Resurrecting this tainted statue and incorporating into it the story of its toppling would mark history in the making. And represent an overdue acknowledgment of a wealth and power that is sullied and, actually, should never have existed. It’s this sort of shift that each of us needs to embrace. Because that’s when we’ll collectively continue to topple an injustice that has blighted too many lives for way too long.

Off with his head: lockdown smoke, mirrors & peonies

I’m reading Hilary Mantel’s masterpiece The Mirror & the Light. It’s the final book in her extraordinary and breathtaking trilogy about the life and times of Thomas Cromwell. The trilogy follows Cromwell’s rise from battered son of a Putney smithy to chief policy-maker, deal-broker and pieces-picker-upper of Henry VIII. Cromwell is a commoner who stepped from nowhere to become the most powerful man in the country. But the lack of a landed and lauded family, and paucity of dynasty and ancient connections would always see the hand he fed and protected destroying him. And that’s where I’m headed with this superb book: no amount of wit, guile and usefulness will be enough to hold fast against the old boy network of the lords and ladies of court and country, or Cromwell’s greatest fan and biggest threat – the mercurial monarch.

This week has been a tough one. I don’t like being angry – I often feel that being angry is a failure. It’s the petulant child in me being allowed to be unreasonable and stampy-footed. However, straight up anger is what I feel about Dominic Cummings flouting the lockdown rules and refusing to apologise and resign. I can appreciate the social media memes: the ironic ‘should have gone to Specsavers’ Barnard Castle jokes, and the amusing asides that stem from someone behaving stupidly and then reinventing history to support their own idiocy. But, we have been duped and I believe anger is the right response.

In manoeuvres that out-Trump Trump, we’ve seen journalists slapped down, ignored and, in the BBC’s Emily Maitlis’ case rebuked (if you’re not familiar with the story, you’ll find info on it here). What have these journalists done? Probed MPs on a controversial topic and expressed the shock and disappointment many (most of us?) feel. Isn’t that their job?

There’s a reason that Johnson, Gove et al look shifty and uncomfortable when they attempt to justify and gloss over Cummings’ and his wife’s breaking of the lockdown rules: it’s because there genuinely is no justification. The rest of us – the population of the UK – was urged to abide by rules which would safeguard us, other people and the NHS. Even though many would (and have) suffer(ed) great hardship. Meanwhile, in the thick of it all, an elite member of the rule-makers flouted the rules and his colleagues are closing ranks to protect their own: however ludicrous it makes them look. And, quite honestly, they may well get away with it.

If Hilary Mantel were writing the story of this historical carry-on, it would be packed with complex and nuanced characters, with layers of compelling meaning and insight rippling through each sentence. Mantel would uncover basic human motivations as well as the Machiavellian machinations of those driven by power. And the old boy network would come out triumphant in the end.

So, because I don’t know what else to do this week, other than rant and feel let down and angry and sign Change.org petitions, I’m going to share pictures of my peony. I’ve been taking photos almost daily of its progress from tiny bud to full-blown bloom. It’s been a steadying pastime.

And at least I can chop off its head when it’s past its best.

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